Featured SongThe Pitfalls of Family Worship
Home » Blog » GeneralPosted by David L. Ward on June 9th, 2009
The
Precedent
Priority
Practice
Pitfalls
of Family Worship
Family Worship is a Discipline
In the book Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life by Don Whitney, the author spends the first chapter exploring the nature of discipline and reiterates the Biblical call to “discipline ourselves for the purpose of godliness.” (1 Tim 4:7) In an age when many of us (especially my generation) have not been raised in a disciplined home or had a disciplined lifestyle instilled in us, discipline in any area can be challenging, whether it is finances, home maintenance, or spiritual disciplines like private worship. Family worship is like private worship: if we aren’t convinced of its value and don’t plan for it to happen, chances are it won’t happen very often. Until you form a habit and your time begins to feel like a natural part of family life, meeting together for worship may be difficult. You may be easily distracted by the urgent needs of the day that you are “neglecting” by taking time for family worship. Your children may have a hard time sitting still and may not understand when and how to ask questions. Your schedule may get pushed back because of tardiness with dinner or Dad’s arrival time and you might face the temptation to put family worship off another day. Take heart – as you and your family persevere in the discipline of family worship it will get easier and more enjoyable.
A second pitfall accompanies any spiritual discipline – that of falling into the rut of doing the duty without delight, going through the motions only because you know it’s right and not because you truly enjoy it. You might be tempted to think that if you don’t feel excited about family worship going through the motions will be mere hypocrisy and conclude that you shouldn’t do it at all. First off, consider the folly of believing that avoiding family worship will actually improve your heart’s disposition towards it. Second, consider the opportunity you have to humble yourself before your children and admit your spiritual dryness, then seek God in prayer to revive your heart together. You will only be a hypocrite before your children if you feign enthusiasm for God’s Word when it is not there. Third, consider the fact that your family worship is acceptable to God only through the finished work of Jesus. You will never be warm enough to make worship count or to make it effective in your life or the lives of your children. God desires that you come to the table of family worship as you are – often weak, stuck in a rut, or distracted with the cares of this world. God may very well use your time of family worship as one of the means by which He warms your heart again.
Family Worship does not Make You (More) Righteous
A third pitfall that you might face once you establish a habit of family worship is an attitude that begins to look down on other families who have not lived up to your new standard of righteousness. Any family habit or lifestyle choice that easily distinguishes you from other families, at least on the surface, can become a breeding ground for this kind of thinking. In subtle ways you may begin to talk about family worship a lot to other families, pressuring them to perform like you are, or speak or think negatively about families that are not disciplined in this area. While there is nothing wrong with reaching out to other families and talking to them about how to excel in this spiritual discipline, the motive of our heart must be their good, not for them to discover how good we are in this area and then feel bad that they don’t measure up to us. If we are having regular and meaningful family worship we must humbly recognize it as a gift of God and not a result of our own ingenuity, commitment, or talents. God alone grants growth in grace and if your new discipline of family worship is feeding your pride you should consider whether your growth is not really growth in grace but growth in face (as in “saving face” or your reputation).
Family Worship is not Enough
A fourth pitfall is the belief that if we are having family worship times we can check off our responsibility to teach our children about the Lord. I think it’s very easy to begin to think this way because a family worship time is so measurable; that is, it is scheduled and able to be checked off. Is Deuteronomy 6:7 so easily measurable?
You shall teach [these words] diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.
This depicts a lifestyle of worship where you are speaking about the Lord and His relevance to your lives in all kinds of circumstances, not just gathered around your table for family worship. Unless you can connect the knowledge of God to your everyday circumstances you are not being faithful to teach your children about the Lord. Both family worship and worship “along the way” are vital parts of what it means to be Christian parents.
Family Worship Must be Gospel Centered
A fifth pitfall to family worship is the tendency to drift away from the gospel. We do this by a lack of transparency about our own sin and daily struggles with our children. Parents can begin to view family worship as existing only for the good of the children and see themselves as being too advanced in the knowledge of God and godliness to really need that time. The gospel is the message that we are hopeless sinners in need of God’s grace every day and family worship should be a time to celebrate that, not avoid it. We avoid it by making family worship impersonal and distant – more concerned about the knowledge of God than the love of God. We also avoid the gospel by focusing on morality without the cross. While the Ten Commandments are important to read and study as a family, we must continually remember that Jesus is the only one who has ever been faithful to them and he obeyed them for our sake. The freedom that comes from remembering that Jesus’ obedience becomes ours is what must motivate our morality. And we must remember that as we grow in obedience we never add one iota of merit to what Jesus has already merited for us. This theme becomes real when you share your weakness, failures, and sin with your household and proclaim that you need Jesus as much as all of them. When you discuss obedience be honest about how you struggle to obey the command and look to Jesus together.
Difficulties Dealing with Children
A sixth and final pitfall to family worship is the difficulty in managing your children during this time – both young and old! For smaller children you may be tempted to think that they don’t “get anything” out of your family worship time since they don’t understand as much as you do. You may also become exasperated because family worship with small children is also a training time – training them to sit still and pay attention in submission to their parents. Accept the fact, going into your time, that family worship with small children will be filled with distractions (even discipline) and will not be as fluid and focused as your own private worship. And be assured that your children are aware of more than you think they are. Even the discipline of sitting still around the table instills in them a deep sense of the priority of worshipping God and gives them the physical skills of attentiveness that will help them have more meaningful worship times as they grow older.
Having family worship with older kids (I’m thinking of teenagers here) who have gained more independence can also provide unique challenges. If you are starting a new routine you will face competition from your children’s own schedules and agendas such as sports or time with friends. Let me challenge you to start small, say once a week, and focus on making that time enjoyable and engaging; give everyone an opportunity to share and pray. Talk with your teens about their experience with family worship and listen to why they might be bored with it and why they might be so much more interested in other activities. The more you listen, the more you can help them identify idols that are competing with their love for the Lord. And it doesn’t matter if your teens are believers or not – family worship is something that everyone who lives in the home can participate in just like our church-wide public worship services. Make it clear in a loving way that your family worship time is not optional. Again, you may need to work your way there with patience and encouragement. Laying down the law of family worship vs. grounding will certainly not endear their hearts to you or the Lord!
Conclusion
I pray that this series on family worship has helped to kindle your enthusiasm and commitment for the practice of family worship, whether it is with your immediately family or those who live in your household.
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